7 Things To Stop Saying To Single People

Jessica Camerata is wearing yellow striped pajamas.

Portrait of a single gal swiping on Hinge while in NYC thinking to herself “why do the Atlanta men suck so bad, NYC has much better looking men”….

So many of you had some STRONG feelings about my Bumble post that I wrote here. Most agreed with me, and some didn’t catch the humor in it, and some had valid points that they did find THE ONE on Bumble. Bravo for you, honestly! That’s fine. So maybe today we preface this post with: IT’S FOR FUN FRIENDS. But in all seriousness, I am a little sick and tired of a few phrases from coupled-up folks that we single people keep hearing over and over again.

It’s true, I am SICK and tired of hearing the same bull shit over and over. Some of you sound like a broken, inconsiderate, record. Why? Well, some of your questions although you may mean well, they just don’t come off that way. You may not even realize it, and I get that. You want us to find love like you did too and you want to seem interested in our single dating adventures. That’s why this post is being written. Because the questions are all too common, and collectively as single people (I’ve asked ALL my single friends both male and female, and we seem to keep coming up with the same damn list of bad questions) we are just a little sick and tired of hearing them.

Here are a few that I’m 100% done with answering. And a suggestion on what to ask INSTEAD. I’m all about solutions here, friends. Here’s the list…

things to stop saying to single people on the blog

7 Things To Stop Saying To Single People

And 7 things to ask or say instead!


1. Tell me some good dating stories…..

Oh, this may be the best one. It’s like married people are looking for entertainment through my suffering of bad fucking dates, getting ghosted, and being mistreated by men. They think it’s hysterical and just want to “hear more, oh please keep going this is too funny”. It’s kind of rude, don’t you think? I think they’re expecting a scene out of SATC when we gab over cosmos about bad dates. But sometimes these dates leave us feeling terrible, sad, and honestly it sucks sometimes. So to ask for stories of miserable experiences seems a little strange, don’t you think?

Let’s turn the tables, shall we, Sheryl? Tell me about the time you got in trouble at work? Tell me about the time your significant other made you feel like shit? Dating stories are great but don’t ASK for them. If I’m willing to share the pathetic fucking details of that date I went on with that damn loser who ghosted me, I’ll tell you. Don’t pry it out of me. It only makes me feel worse about the whole situation and reminds me of how terrible this dating scene can be.

Instead ask this, “tell me something that’s going on in your life that you’re excited about”…. it may just be about a boy if you’re lucky and you’ll get that crazy dating story anyway!

2. You’ll meet someone, I’m sure…..

Oh, are you Sheryl? That’s great, then why haven’t you set me up with anyone? Why do you not invite me out with you and your husband when you do cool things? I would love to meet someone through a friend of a friend, and for some reason, married friends just don’t invite the single people out. I also find that people offer this motivational line up whenever they ask “how’s dating going” and I respond with “oh nothing really happening or on the horizon” and they respond with “oh I’m sure you’ll meet someone…” as if I was in need of being consoled. Or that I’m HAVING to meet someone. Which is just societal pressures that drive me insane.

Instead ask this, “I know a friend who would be great for you, are you open to a blind date?” YES people. GIVE ME THE BLIND DATES!

3. Why don’t you put yourself out there? You never know!

Am I supposed to live my life with the belief that “you never know” what may happen? I should just say yes to every god damn invitation I get from any and everyone? And for the record, most single people I know, do put themselves out there A LOT. Single people are the busiest people I know. My calander is packed with shit, but to be honest, and maybe this is for a longer post (I do love this post on Refinery29 though) on why do we keep telling ourselves “you never know”?

Instead, ask this, “hey, want to come hang out with me?” just invite us out! I’d rather “put myself out there” with friends and make memories together all at the same time. Win, win.

4. Why don’t you get on the apps?

Yes, we ALL know about the apps. This isn’t news to us. If you’re single, you know about them, you’ve been on them. Period. I don’t need you to remind me that there are apps because it is a BRUTAL space to meet people and get to know someone. It takes a ton of work, time and energy. And there’s one in particular that I just don’t like… remember this article?

Here’s the thing, I know you know a friend of a friend who found their forever person on the app. That’s great. But, the apps are tough. And miserable. And it sucks. I appreciate the tip, but like, the apps have been around for years, this isn’t news Sheryl. These apps aren’t also as easy as ordering an Uber. They take SO MUCH DAMN WORK to chat, small talk, swipe, try to meet up, get cancelled on, try to meet up again all for usally nothing. It’s WORK and can be emotiionally exhausting.

Instead, just don’t talk about it actually, it’s just all bad. Leave your dating app suggestions at the door, I’ve been on them ALL. And update, it’s all the same men and all the same BS.

5. Why are you single

Oh. Really? I should just list my faults? Or are you lookng for me to say I’m too picky? I despise this question. As if we’re supposed to start listing out the shit my therapist and I talk about. I’ve turned the tables on this one. I love answering this one a little differently now…

“I’m single because I run my own business by myself. I work from home doing what I love usually in my sweatpants at my own speed. I travel a TON exploring the world with incredible friends. To be honest, I am living my BEST FUCKING LIFE and that’s why I’m single. I’ve yet to meet a man who lives up to the awesomeness of my friends and family. And until that person shows up, I’m good.”

This mindset took some time to sink in though. And I hope, you reading this who’s single, can try to shift your mind here a little too. Because it’s liberating. I personally don’t want to have my own kids and have never had this burning desire to walk down the aisle in a dress. So I’ve started to approach dating and the single mindset a little differently.

Instead, ask this, “what can I do to help you meet some new people outside your circle?”. I love when friends are eager to introduce me to new people. So just do it! Even if it’s just inviting us to your work happy hour, or to that neighborhood festival with old friends, just ASK. I’d much rather tackle “you never know” experiences with my actual friends.

6. It’ll happen when you least expect it

Along with my death. But like seriously, what does that mean? Should I just give up and sit at home and wait for them to knock on the door? Ideally, I’d prefer that, but that isn’t going to happen. But this tactic is a bit obnoxious. So just give up and let it happen? I do agree a bit though, that you can’t sit around and just think NONSTOP about how you need to find someone. This goes back to the mindset shift that’s happened for me in 2019. Lower your expectations of what dating should look like a bit and know that not every date you go on has to be THE ONE possibly. Okay so Sheryl may be right, but just stop saying it….

Instead, say this, “keep doing you, girl, you’re not doing anything wrong, you’re a badass”. Seriously, because no one is doing anything wrong or right, we’re just living our life.

7. I’m glad I missed out on the online dating era

Yes, Sheryl, you are so lucky. But you are also so insensitive. Correct, the online dating world is not great, it’s grim at best. But your negativity is killing my vibe. And also making you look like a total heartless friend. Glad you found your forever person, I’ll await your 50% chance rate of divorce so you and I can compare Hinge profiles in a few years….I kid I kid, I wish you all the best in your relationship but please stop making it sound like you dodged a bullet.

Instead, say this “I’m an asshole for saying that”. Seriously. Just don’t even.


Also, Sheryl, I’m not sure who you are, but you’re a real bitch sometimes.

If you’re married, coupled up, whatever, and are chatting with your single friends, I urge you to instead ask us how life is going in general. Work, social, whatever. Ask us to get together even with your significant other. I like my friends’ husbands and boyfriends and partners. Why do the single people get the boot? Ever think I may meet someone through YOU? My friend? Invite me to your kids’ birthday party, I LOVE CAKE AND SPONGEBOB. Invite us out, invite us over. We aren’t the damn plague and we won’t convince your S.O. to leave you to join our single team. If anything, we like YOU and YOUR person, so knowing we all have the same values and interests makes setting us up with YOUR friends or co-workers much easier and probably more successful.

Which dating question do you hate getting? Did I miss any big ones?

Photos by Hannah Michelle


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Leave a Comment

12 Comments

  1. Katie wrote:

    Girl, you are preaching to the CHOIR. Whenever I see my best guy friend and his girlfriend of 5+ years, they ALWAYS say something along the lines of “Katie, you’re going to meet someone great. Because you’re so great! We know it’s going to happen to you at some point. It’s going to be OK!” At first, I thought it was kind. But now? After the 1021237 time hearing it? I’m like OK OK I get it I’m STILL single and you guys don’t know how to talk to me about it. Need to send this post to all of my coupled up friends as a gentle reminder of what to do/say at times haha. Thank you so much for sharing! So enjoy reading like minded opinions on dating.
    xox, Katie
    (simplymekb.com)

    Posted 4.10.19 Reply
    • Jessica wrote:

      I hear you! They definitely mean well but I think they just don’t know what else to say! Forward away!

      Posted 4.10.19 Reply
  2. Rachel wrote:

    LOVE this post, Jess! I used to hate when my friends would try to set me up with friends because I felt like I was being forced to date, but with a few single friends always asking to be set up, I’ve started to LOVE it!

    Rachel
    http://www.hello-her.com

    Posted 4.10.19 Reply
    • Jessica wrote:

      Yes I’m all about a great set up, I think it’s the best way to meet people!

      Posted 4.10.19 Reply
  3. Millicent wrote:

    In response to the “Why are you still single question?” I always say something like they were fresh out of men at the Man Store. But seriously hate that question too. Also, the “I’m glad I missed out on the online dating era” is like saying I’m so glad I’m not poor to someone who is. Like, did you just say that out loud???

    Posted 4.10.19 Reply
  4. Courtney wrote:

    As a single 30 something this makes me SO HAPPY. My other two favorites are “are you sure you like men” and “do you even want to get married”, almost always asked by people I’m not really friends with anymore. What in the actual fuck guys. It’s not okay to ask about someone’s sexuality or marriage intentions. It’s almost as bad as the time a now-former friend patted my knee shortly after she got married & told me that one day I too would get married & actually be happy. Again I say, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m not allowed to be happy because I’m single?! Please. I’d argue that I’m way happier because I didn’t bend to convention and rush into marriage because it’s what’s expected (I grew up in Marietta, GA so I’m sure you get the pressure to marry young & start poppin’ out those babies haha). Ugh sorry I just had to vent for a sec. I know it’s coming from a well-intentioned place, from people who are concerned about you but seriously, not everyone lives the same life as you and like you said, it’s rude.

    Posted 4.14.19 Reply
    • Jessica wrote:

      Yes to this! I can’t believe people ask these types of questions. Absolutely crazy. Go live your awesome single happy life girlfriend!

      Posted 4.14.19 Reply
  5. Caitlin wrote:

    YES TO ALL OF THIS! I’m seriously so tempted to send this to my family and friends. I also get asked “I never got to use any of the dating apps because I met my boyfriend/husband in real life, can I play on yours?” If my friends really want to play matchmaker for me, I’d so much rather they set me up with someone they know who isn’t a total stranger on some app!

    Posted 4.16.19 Reply
    • Jessica wrote:

      Omg yes to this!!!! So unbelievable. Please forward away! Coupled up people need to hear this!!

      Posted 4.16.19 Reply
  6. Jenna wrote:

    Okay, girl you just stated everything I have ever wanted to include in a blog post one day. I fucking love this!!!! It’s like really? 22 is still looked at as “too old” to have never had a boyfriend? Isn’t this the 21st century where we don’t have to prove our worth by changing our last name? I just can’t even anymore. I have tried to come up with so many lines when people ask me these questions, but now I just say “I don’t need anyone to complete me, but when I find the one who can compliment me, then I’ll jump into the world of dating.” Thank you for being so honest <3

    Posted 6.26.19 Reply
    • Jessica wrote:

      I love it! So glad this resonated with you.

      Posted 6.26.19 Reply