Well you guys, I’ve officially been 30 for a whole entire month. I wasn’t really mentally ready to turn 30 at all. I loved 29, I loved being in my 20s, and turning 30 was giving me a major complex. From still being single and not having a cookie cutter job and traditional retirement plan, it made me feel super confused about my future. I get it, I love what I do every day. It’s crazy that I can call this blog my full time job and get to travel (I’m actually in London today, more on that to come), do fun things and be my own boss. But as some of you freelancers, bloggers or maybe anyone whose current situation doesn’t look like what they always had in mind, it’s also extremely stressful. This can wear on you with the constant comparison and self doubt, or at least it does for me at times
At a traditional day job your future is a little more clear and clean cut. You know when your next paycheck is coming and that your evaluation will likely result in a raise. You know that you’ll probably work your way up the ladder if you work hard. But what I do, there’s no knowing what tomorrow brings. And there’s no knowing if what I’m doing today, like this crazy trip to London, is going to benefit my business or not. Or why I was chosen and not someone better? There’s no rule book for this and figuring it all out can be a little overwhelming at times.
So yes, turning 30 for me for some reason made me really freaked out. I thought by now I’d have all these things like a house with a yard for Pork, a husband and a 401K plan that was starting to get pretty darn full. I’m trying to ignore the expectations I for some reason set for myself (thank you mainstream media I guess?) and appreciate all the amazing things in my life. Because it is just that. I worked hard and created a life that rules, and I thank my family, my friends and my readers for that because that’s a good part of the reason why it does. But the freelance life is stressful and it’s a constant game of self doubt. Without having a bonus structure or a promotion on the horizon, I just have to figure it out myself and that ain’t easy.
Why am I getting all deep today? Because I think I desperately need a reminder to stop with the self doubt and embrace 30. Embrace the cool job I get to do, the great friends and support group I’ve developed over the years; plus the fact that I’m healthy, happy and am fortunate for this life. I started reading Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck and one of the main takeaways I’ve learned so far, is that solving one problem creates new ones. They’re better problems to have of course. I no longer have the problem of dealing with a 40 hour a week day job AND running My Style Vita and The Blog Societies. And all while trying to stay afloat in terms of sanity. But now I have the problem of how do I take this to the next level and what does the future look like. New problems, but I guess they’re much better ones to have since I solved those pesky previous ones.
So my 2017 and turning 30 goal, is to not give a fuck. And I’ve always had that sort of mentality to an extent, but it’s time to get serious about it. About not giving a fuck about what my today looks like or what tomorrow does either. Because it looks a lot different than what I ever imagined and that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Sure it makes it a little scary because it’s still all so unknown, but you see that’s a good problem to have.